DAAAAAAAANG. Its been a long time since Ive been on here!!! SO much has happened!!!!
But right now I just want to talk about something Im specifically proud of TODAY.
I am 200 days without an adult beverage. WOOOO!!!!!
After many many lame drunk experiences and an especially horrible New Years Eve I decided I needed to take a break. One Year completely drink free. 200 out of 365 feels AMAZING.
The first time I drank was the night I graduated high school and I just went for it after that. I partied on the weekends like most young adults do up until I got pregnant with my beautiful son. Then I didnt drink until months after he was born. 2005-2006 was the last time period I was completely drank free. Once my boy was 1 my life changed completely…. I got a divorce and found myself making incredible strides on american idol season 8. I even found myself in the top ten :)) pretty amazing. I took 9th place and was cut when I told simon “I dont care if you dont like my song” NOT BAD :) It was an incredible experience, my entire view on life changed. I met and worked with some of the most talented people in hollywood, experienced a touch of fame and realized that I could follow any dream in the world. But at the same time i was without my son for weeks at a time, it was incredibly painful and confusing. I told myself that I just had to make top ten…..knowing that If I made top ten I would get to go on the “Idols live tour” and make enough money to buy me and my son a little house. Once I was cut I was a new person, I had had experiences that I never imagined. But I wasnt done. I had to tour for three full months. With the incredible help of my beautiful mom I was able to see my son every few weeks, she would travel with him and bring him to wherever the tour was. I found myself pretty confused about life, I knew that being a good mom was my first and most important dream, I also knew that I was born to sing. But hollywoods “formula” of success wasnt exactly mom friendly. So…. lost on tour and often without my mom and son I hit the bottle. I was drowning my pain and confusion…. luckily for me I was surrounded by amazing people…. the other idols and the tour crew were so loving and caring. I would like to tell them Im sorry for causing a few moments that were pretty unfair for them but mainly I want to tell them all THANK YOU, you kept me sane. After the tour I came home and found myself still in a lot of pain. I knew I had to continue with music but I also knew that I had to be in Utah raising my son. So with my custody schedule I traveled to LA every 4 days to write and record then home for my 4 days with my boy. It was a VERY draining, when I wasnt with my son, writing or recording I would try to relax by drinking…..not realizing that drinking was making me more tired than anything else. This went on for over a year. All the time I would tell myself I need to stop drinking for a while but it didnt compute. FINALLY I was starting to see that I could be a mom, remain in utah and still have a career in music. It was then that I started easing off my method of relaxation and focusing on following all my dreams…. THEN Quinn came along and my whole life changed again. BAM!!! DREAMS COMING TRUE. I finally had the family that I was dying for AND a partner who could help me continue to follow my career path. We have been together for 3 years now and its been the best time of my life. I kept drinking here and there once I had found Quinn, I continued to have fun times and not so fun times while drinking. Finally on New Years 2013 I had a horrible night, I decided it was time to seek out my willpower and find myself completely clear minded. BEST CHOICE I HAVE EVER MADE FOR MYSELF. Truly. Its been 200 days and I am a completely different person. I had NO IDEA that drinking a couple times a week was messing with my brain, body, heart and soul SO SO MUCH. Its easy to think that only alcoholics should stop drinking, only people who are ruining their lives need to stop, when in reality we all need to stop, We all need to go long enough without a drink to feel our minds functioning at full capacity. Its a beautiful feeling with incredible outcome. I was following my dreams before but now Im not only following them, Im chasing them. FULL SPEED. With a healthy mind, body and soul I am closer to achieving my goals than ever. Life is good :)
If you find yourself waking up from nights of drinking saying “I need to take a break”
DO IT….. listen to yourself. You wont regret it.
Today my Album is officially on itunes, amazon, spotify, rdio, rhapsody, and many many other places :) AND ITS ABOUT TIME. What an insane process. I feel so so relieved and soooo happy. No matter what happens from here, I met my goal (with the incredible help of my beautiful husband Quinn, This never would have happened without his extreme love and support) YES YES YES!!!!!!!!! I have another 9 song album almost ready to rock …. I will spend the next two months finishing recording the songs and making a release plan. We are also about to move. LIFE IS MY FRIEND.
I HOPE YOU ALL TAKE A MINUTE AND CHECK OUT MY ALBUM….. theres something for everyone :) xo