I feel like im on the edge of a cliff about to jump. Im so excited and Ive been waiting my entire life for this But I also feel loss, for life as I know it and life as i knew it. Its all going to change….again…. but this time it feels different. The longest period of consistency in my life so far was age 10 to 20. A good ol long chunk. We all know what kinds of things go down in those teenage years and I experienced my fair share of the pain but I have always loved my life and felt strong. I looked forward with hope. That period of time was mainly in my mom and step-dads (at the time) hands and I was very trusting in them (sometimes too much, as a parent myself I now see how little parents know :) BUT now things are in my own hands and Its an incredible mixture of feelings. Planning is something I love LOVE to do but I also am very aware of how rarely plans turn out the way you expect or want them to. I know what my goals are and I am trying to instill in myself the difference between ones that I have complete control over and the ones I only have so much control over. REMINDER TO ME (and maybe you)….. I KNOW I want to be successful in creation. lots and lots of different art. I want to make enough money to support my family and help anyone in need that I can. I want to be heard by enough people to make a difference in a big way. These are the things I can only hope for. THESE GOALS ARE MINE FOR THE TAKING…. Be the best mother I am capable of being, love, teach, care for and accept them (him for now :) unconditionally. Be the best wife I can be. Be the best daughter, sister, friend, cousin, niece…… sheeesh pretty much every relationship role I have, THRIVE in it. Be healthy, take care of my body, mind and spirit. Always sing, I dont have to be pumping out records or making money to ALWAYS do what I love. And neither does anyone else.
Sometimes I look at my blog and laugh, its so corny and full of thick love. Mainly its me telling myself out loud what to hang on to. Although I do occasionally sit down to write and all I can do is express sadness or any of the awful emotions we humans get. I am glad that I write it, let it go, usually cry big ol dramatic tears then delete that shit. get it out, let it go and move on. I dont want you to read what sucks, you know what sucks. And I certainly dont want to read and remember a crappy time I had. I only want to inspire and uplift you, but Im never pretending like things are perfect or all you have to do is cheer up. I know its not that easy. But I am a firm believer in consistency, it turns me right on :) consistent progress towards a better self. Heres to the hard hard work we put in to create this organization and routine for permanent happiness. not permanent life perfection. but a schedule that keeps us healthy and prepared to handle all the crappy things that will be launched at us. Im ready for you autumn, a beautiful new season for us all. xo